Nov 04, 2015

Long ago, in 1989 or 1990 I took a long (for me) 5 week road booking. 

This trip took me through Michigan and Ohio. I remember the first 2 weeks, in Michigan being pretty good. Nice hotels and venues and audiences. The first two weeks, in Ohio, weren't so good. We'll hit the first of those two weeks in this post, and cover the second week later.

On one night of that week I was booked in a suburb of Cleveland, the city in which I was born and spent the first 6 years of my life. I found out (somehow, we didn't have the internet then) that one of my childhood friends was the Fire Chief of that suburb, so I looked him up. We had dinner and a nice visit, unfortunately he was unable to attend my show.

After our visit I checked into my motel. It was a dump. There was a television, not viewable from the bed, bolted to a desk. The window was covered by an old bedspread tacked to the wall with thumbtacks. The carpet was crusty. (Needless to say, I never worked for the guy who booked this week from hell again.) 

I went and did the gig. It was probably horrible, as all of this idiot booker's gigs tended to be. I spent time at the bar after the gig, drinking a couple of beers and chatting with the other acts. The headliner, a magician, brought his girlfriend whose claim to fame was keeping the most balls in the air at the same time. (Make up your own jokes.)

Anyway, I eventually went back to the fleabag motel. I figured I was tired enough to fall right asleep. I was right. However, in the middle of the night I made the mistake of rolling over. Turns out, the double bed sized mattress was atop a twin from and box spring. The mattress gave way and I was trapped next to the wall with the window and the bedspread curtain. Wall on one side, tipped mattress on the other. It took me about half an hour to get myself free. (Unfortunately I tore the "curtain" down in my struggles.)

Once free, I let the adrenaline take over and proceeded to yank the bolted down TV from he particle board desk and smash it on the bathroom floor. I then packed up my stuff, got into my car and drove around looking for my Fire Chief friend's house. I couldn't find it. I pulled my trusty Volvo over to the side of the road and fell asleep.

An hour or so later I was awakened by 2 police officers rapping their nightsticks on my windows. They asked what I was doing, I explained that the motel was a rat trap and that I was looking for my friend, the Fire Chief's house. 

Well, dropping a name worked. They had me follow them to the police station and let me sleep on a cot in the "where cops take naps" room. In the morning they brought me coffee and... imagine this... donuts! I was rested and full of caffeine and carbs! Ready for the next week of my journey.

Unfortunately the following (4th) week wasn't much better. But... the 5th, and last week was great! At least my closer was strong.

 

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